The Do’s and Don’ts of Dating

I may be in a great relationship now, but Lord knows that I used to reign queen over bad dates. Whether I was set up by friends, met someone at an event or was “scientifically” matched by someone claiming to be a dating doctor, I know a bad date when I see one.

After what I claim to be “years of research” when it comes to dating, I have come up with a comprehensive list of the do’s and don’ts of dating. This list will teach you the ins and outs of a first date, from cradle to grave.

This post is obviously from a woman’s point of view. So men, read up! If you want to land the girl of your dreams, avoid the mistakes and go straight for the gold!

Is this scientific? No. Does it make sense? Yes.

Communication
DON’T use text messaging as your main form of communication. If you can’t pick up the phone or send an email, that’s a huge red flag. If you can only manage a few acronyms (i.e. LMAO, TTYL, L8R), a woman will think that they aren’t a priority in your life. If you won’t make time to communicate properly, what makes us think that you’ll make time for us after our first date?

DO use all forms of communication when getting to know a woman. When I was dating, I could always tell if a man liked me when he reached beyond the convenience of text messaging and sent me an email or actually picked up the phone (God forbid, right?!). Women don’t want to sit for hours and talk to you on the phone. Trust me… we have better things to do. But a quick phone conversation mixed in with a few emails and a couple texts will have a woman flying high!

Planning
DON’T pick up a date without plans in mind. Nothing is worse than jumping into the passenger seat and a guy asking you what you want to do. That discussion needs to happen pre-date. That’s what text messaging and email is for!

DO suggest your three favorite places and let the girl choose. This will take the financial pressure off of the girl. How do we know how much you want to spend? Pick places that you’ve been to before where you know that the food and the service are exceptional. There is no bigger date-kill than going to a new place on the first date and the food is piss-poor. Do your homework. Girls appreciate that!

Vehicle Appreciation
DON’T pick up a woman in a dirty/messy car. I can’t begin to tell you what a woman thinks after she’s spent an hour and a half getting ready for you and then has to sit her pristine ass in your filthy car. If you can’t spend 10 minutes to throw away the McDonald’s bags and empty water bottles, then you shouldn’t be picking your date up. I would rather meet someone at a restaurant or bar than sit in a car where I felt like I needed to shower afterward.

DO pay close attention to what’s in your car when you pick up your date. If there’s a woman’s number scribbled on a scrap piece of paper and thrown into your backseat, we will see it! Take pride in your vehicle and make sure that the inside is suitable for someone you’re trying to impress. Women can tell when you’ve gone the extra mile for us, and we appreciate it.

Chivalry
DON’T be too overzealous with the Prince Charming act. There is nothing more uncomfortable than a man who exhibits such great manners that it makes you look in the mirror and question your degree of ladylikeness. We don’t need you to throw your jacket on a puddle or stand up every time we leave the table. We like to know that you’re human and not a character out of a storybook.

DO open all doors for a woman. Nothing says “gentleman” like a man who opens your car door and establishment doors for you. Always be courteous, especially with wait staff. If you’re kind to people you don’t know, then that normally means you have a good heart. When you are kind and chivalrous, women automatically think that you were raised well. And that will get you a second date! Just remember to keep up the good manners on the second date. Don’t let chivalry die on your watch!

Conversation
DON’T monopolize the conversation. Yes, we want to know about you. However, we don’t want to know about your drunken college escapades, ex-girlfriend drama or sexual experiences. There are certain things that should be left in the past. Sensor your words. Trust me on this one. I’ve been on several dates where the guy thought it was appropriate to talk about his last slew of relationships. I didn’t exactly feel very special in their presence.

DO tell us about your family and friends. A man who has a strong connection to his family and a group of good friends is a total plus in our book. Enlighten us with your hobbies and the things you strive to accomplish in your life. A man with goals is intriguing. And a man who is open to sharing these types of things is very sexy! Women are drawn in by the idea of a future. If a man can talk about his future, we interpret that there might be a place for us in that future (for those into the physical, this can be a total panty-dropper [see next section]).

The Physical
DON’T put the moves on a woman on the first date. The last thing a woman wants to experience is your hands where they shouldn’t be and your mouth invading our personal space. Never assume that because you bought us dinner or spent several hours with us that you’re going to get more than a hug (I say this tongue and cheek, but some men actually need to hear that).

DO hug a woman passionately or give a peck if warranted. This should happen at the end of the night so as not to presume that more will occur. A woman respects a man who is willing to hold off on the physical. It is a sign of respect and an indication of moral character. Suppress those urges. Things will happen when the timing is right. You and your date should dictate the timing… not society. The most important thing to remember is that a prolonged hug or a simple kiss should only be reserved for a date that you’d like to see again. Never lead a girl on.

Follow-up
DON’T tell a girl that you will call when you really have no intentions of doing so. And if you do want to call her, don’t wait the “obligatory” three days to call. Trust that most women do not adhere to the stereotypical wayward dating rules. In my past dating life, if I guy said that he would call and he waited more than three days, I saw that as a sign of disrespect (or I was so exhausted from wondering if he was going to call that I lost interest). If he was genuinely interested in me, he would have made the time for me. I’m not a pawn in a game. I’m a human with feelings.

DO let the woman know that you’d like to see her again (if that is the case). If you aren’t interested in seeing her again, the best thing is to be honest. Always ask a woman to call/text you to let you know that she got home safe (or that she made it to bed... wink, wink). Not only is this chivalrous, but it also initiates communication after your date, which women love. Make sure to contact the woman the next day (the afternoon is normally a perfect time). Your date will be so impressed that you called the next day that she’ll definitely go on a second date with you. And I can guarantee that you’ll be water cooler talk the next day.

Like I said, I’m obviously no expert in dating, but I do have a lot of first dates to look back on and pinpoint what went wrong (trust me, women can be guilty of these do’s and don’ts, too). And I have enough female friends that talk about dating to cull out what women want.

My boyfriend is a clear example of all the appropriate do’s. And look at me. I fell head over heels for a man that is as close to Prince Charming as I could ever imagine. The best part about him is that he did all the right things because he wanted to and not because he read some list on a blog or in a magazine. When it comes from a place of honesty and character, it means that much more.

At the end of the day, just be honest and respectful. No one can judge you for being an upstanding person. First impressions can be a bitch, but with some careful consideration, you can leave a woman definitely wanting more.

And if the date does go into a tailspin, at least you have a story to tell your friends and something to learn from.

Do you have any dating disasters or other do’s and don’ts? If so, share them here!